Off Kilter 17/30

I like to think that I’m doing something worthwhile
That my orated thoughts are catalysts of sorts…
But I remember that nothing new has ever been done
And I know it’s wrong but sometimes I get moody
And I can’t find the point
And I can’t find a reason
And I want to quit life altogether

And I tend to sit
I just sit and stare at my pen in disgust
As I drift through colorful menageries
Longing for straight laced revelations amongst these wrinkles in time
Losing complete sense of value of my words
Thusly losing sight of the value of my worth

So I stop
Stop spinning in circles losing my way
And I find resolution in
Closing my eyes
Freeing my mind
Touching fingertip to tip
Thumbs to bottom lip
Index fingers pressed into the bridge of my nose
Doing the only thing I know to do
Pray…until I find my balance again


(c)j.claude'10-Phoenix-

Honey Bunches of Oats 16/30

Big bowls of cereal captured his heart every single morning

Like clockwork

[tick] went the bowl on the table
[tock] went the spoon against the ceramic
[tick] went the rumbling and bangs from upstairs
[tock] went the slam of the door
[tick] went the beat of his heart
[tock] always managing to recover from it’s falter
Looking up into the face of his beautiful Mother
He’d always notice her complexion around one eye seemed different than the other
But she hushed his comments and admonished him to eat
And so he’d eat
And he’d offer her big soggy spoonfuls from the bottom of his big cereal bowl
Two percent milk dripped from the bottom of his nutmeg colored lips
That wrapped his hundred watt smile
And his Mother would never ever resist
And she would consume his offering
And pray that like her Sunday morning ten percents
This bottom of the bowl sacrifice would supply her with just enough faith
To make it to the next breakfast
And it never ceased to amaze him how his cereal
Could make her cry and laugh in the same breath
And she’d whisper her thank you’s
With her lips painted on to his ear
Then send him off to school

Moment after moment after day after day after year after year

Until he blinked
And the footprints of his Mother had been replaced by his own beautiful wife
And so he would offer her big soggy spoonfuls from the bottom of his big cereal bowl
Two percent milk dripping from the bottom of his nutmeg colored lips
That wrapped his hundred watt smile
And his Wife, much like his Mother, would never ever resist
But the bliss turned a bit distressing when he noticed that
Around her eyes were the same complexion

And so he decided to fix it
Bludgeoned her eye with the force of a typhoon
That forever left her mentally lost at sea & permanently scarred
And he never forgave himself and so he took his regret and stress out on her
Time and again
Like clockwork
[tick] went the glass of the window
[tock] tock went her head against the frame
[tick] went his heart when she’d stop breathing
[tock] though she faltered she never quit living

And every day he’d weep
Plead for her forgiveness
He’d mumble incoherent thoughts concerning his sorrow
But she hushed his comments
Accepted his forgiveness
And admonished him to eat
And so he’d eat
And he’d offer her big soggy spoonfuls from the bottom of his big cereal bowl
Two percent milk dripping from the bottom of his nutmeg colored lips
That wrapped his hundred watt smile

And he finally understood how one could cry and laugh in the same breath
And his Wife would never ever resist
And she would consume his offering
And pray that like her Sunday morning ten percents
This bottom of the bowl sacrifice would supply her with just enough faith
To make it to the next breakfast

(c)j.claude'10-Phoenix-

Misdiagnosis 15/30

I embraced the butterflies that set up residence in my stomach on the eve of our first kiss
That is, until I became an activist
Now the whole world thinks I'm sick
Recklessly bingeing on the idea of you & purging our memories
But that ain’t it
I ain’t sick
I just stuck my finger down my throat to set them free

Let them shake from their wings the residue of putrid spoiled love
Long processed but never digested
Just settling in the pit of my gut
Rising around the butterflies’ feet
Sloshing around the edges of their wings
And as they pushed their feathery extensions toward Heaven praying for release
I assumed that the feelings I felt were of joy & contentment
But the butterflies were no longer content and that meant no relief for me
And with their lives in the balance they warranted their right, their need to be free
And so now you see how it had nothing to do with him
But it had everything to do with the activist in me

So, as not to seem a hypocrite, I did the only decent thing
And though to the outside world it may have looked like I was
Recklessly binging on the idea of you and purging our memories
That was never the case
I simply stuck my finger down my throat
Cause that was the only way to set them free
Plus, the way I figure
The butterflies shouldn’t have to pay for my bad choices in consumption…


(c)j.claude'10-Phoenix-

When keeping it real goes wrong (Haiku for you) 14/30

Running with scissors/is bad for your health. ::as I/hide the wet floor sign:: ;o)

(c)j.claude'10-Phoenix-

That was easy enough 13/30

I used to scream and curse the day you were born
because not only did you crack my heart
and steal my ribs so I’d lose the ability to stand upright w/o you
and cut me down at the knees
and then merged your lies with the salve meant to heal me
and then prayed for my healing
and then preyed on my healing
and then pirated my dreams
and then left me for dead
but you successfully managed to taint the Moon
and the Sun too, but secretly the Moon is my favorite

so you see how my indignation reaches new levels at night
when I lay in the breeze and stare at the Moon…
just all kinds of tainted and nasty
you turned it green and dimmed it just a little bit
and it becomes hard for me to view it in it’s complete splendor
without furrowing my brows
and crooking my mouth
and gagging just a little bit
and I blamed you for years

that is until the day I took the initiative & wiped the crusted residue of us from my mind
then from my lips
my hips
my fingertips
and, finally, from my eyes…
blinked a few times & realized
it was never the Moon that was tainted
I just had to get rid of all that debris so I could see clearly

(c)j.claude'10-Phoenix-

What lies beneath 12/30

She went in for a D & C
But the indecency of the entire matter left her feeling hollow
and rightly so
While laid out across that table all alone like a ram for the taking
Swaddled in a pure cotton fabric sheath
Hem swaying in the sterile breeze circulating through the ventilation system
Hopping skipping and jumping across the dew drops of the
Remaining bits of the fabric of her life that had been left on the table

bit by bit she swallowed the regurgitated mass of bitter words
she’d been force to consume
“ain’t no child of mine havin’ no baby round here, makin’ me look bad”
Bitter acidic words
Tainted
Remnants of altered egos
Indignation
That haughty Church Mother pride
& spiked with tiny shards of hate

But she swallowed them
And soon chased them down with the bitter liquid that would expel from her
the pox that she had brought upon her family’s name and upon their house
handed to her in a goblet, fixed by her own Mother, she drank in remembrance of…
of her hopes that finally she’d have something to call her own
to love her
but at the bottom of the glass there were no memories
only echoes of her ineptitude
grievous miserable child
scorned by the ones she resembled most
ever present by her side
in that cool sterile office all alone
No one to assist with the gift that Miseducation had given her
Even after her shame was covered
The residue of ignorance lay dormant in her womb and gave way to infection
So they scraped her womb
Searching for abnormalities
Searching for a truth

But miseducation led to a misdiagnosis
And the prognosis began a pattern from then on
Her womb healed for awhile
But continued to become infected
Every single time she got pregnant
She was forced to swallow more bitter words
Chased by those bitter home made remedies
Specially purposed to placate…I mean, cure misbeheavin’ children of their sin
But she never told her doctors
Never shared with them her gifts from Miseducation

And so they routinely searched
But to no avail
And it’s no surprise really…

Though infections continuously made haste to settle in her womb
They were problems stemming from products of Ignorance taking shelter in her mind…


(c)j.claude'10-Phoenix-

Mic Frauds (Haiku for you) 11/30

Fresh, from mind to pad./Say it with your actions/your words have grown stale...

(c)j.claude'10-Phoenix-

Truth of the matter is...(Haiku for you) 10/30

anything you can/ do i can do better. I/ just feign dumb for fun!! ;o)




(c)j.claude'10-Phoenix-

Perpetuation 9/30

They tied her down
fertilized her
pointed her in the general direction of the Sun’s arrival during his visits
and cut her

they cut her first at the limbs and said grow
and so like any good student, she grew
followed the instructions of the blind who were leading her
pushed her roots deep into the filth and dirt that was contaminating her fruit
and grew

sipped at the edge of the rivers that were feeding her so much poison
that her green leaves were stained with blue
and not like that blue in the sky
but that black blood blue
that sojourner tubman douglas blue
that star in the sky leading us back home blue
and she grew

and grew

and grew

‘til they chopped her down at the roots
and her fruit toppled to the Earth
smashing and cracking on the rocks
all that infected juice
spilling
penetrating
nourishing the ground around her

listened while the others, tied down, mourned her loss,
listened to them quickly begin the songs of Zion
in thanks for her gracious support of their life
and she smiled, then thought twice
once to warn them not to partake of the plenty
twice to smooth over that twinge of hate that crept up from her hardened core
so she did the only decent thing to do

she took her final breaths and accepted her forced rest
laid out amongst scattered tainted leaves
making a swift escape thru death’s door
leaving in her wake, a cycle perpetuated


(c)j.claude'10-Phoenix-

Right right...True true... 8/30

Periodically I find myself weeping over you
tirelessly
and I'm sorry if the world is tired of hearing
about how I never got tired of hearing
your brazen embodiment of all things living loving and life had to offer me
and you offered it all to me
tirelessly
so periodically I watched you sleep
kept watch over your heart like you were paying me
but money could not put a dent in the compensation your arms dispensed
and I went from nothing to the richest woman in the world
and it was just you and me
and you guarded over me
tirelessly
so periodically I fed you nourishment
found the cracks in your concrete and watered your soul
nurtured the roses that began to grow
and though your rough thorny exterior pained me
your beauty amazed me
and so i risked being stuck
kept getting stuck & bleeding my dreams for you
and your thorns, they kept paining me
and your beauty continued to amaze me
and so I invested on this cyclic endeavor
and to show your appreciation you bloomed
fragrant & amazing & so full of yearning
bloomed right before my eyes
every morning, before the sun, you'd rise
all of this, just for me
tirelessly
so periodically I write a different end to our story
an end that has the potential to begin again
where you’re still offering your guardianship & blooming in the light of the sun
but no matter my delusions, I periodically find myself weeping over you
tirelessly
and tirelessly I have to suck it up
suck it up & remind myself…
fairy tales are for the faint of heart
and everyone has to lose, sometimes

(c)j.claude'10-Phoenix-

Waffle House.Jaded 7/30

“I ain’t goin’ no where…love you, forever.”
Count them. Eight Words.
Eight words
Nine dates
Ten kisses Eleven kisses Twelve kisses Thirteen kisses Fourteen kisses Fifteen kisses
Sixteen smiles
seventeen arguments
eighteen hugs
nineteen orders
twenty Waffles

one reason…
why counting is so overrated
well, counting…and breakfast


(c)j.claude'10-Phoenix-

New SpokenWord/Music!!

Taking some time to link my Blog to my VBlog--stay tuned!!


Just some pics I put together to depict the concept of this track--Enjoy!!

Collab track I did w/Spoken Word Artist LIFE. J.Claude(Me) on: instrumentation (violin) & vocals

*Special thanks to W. Oatman (Engineer/Production)!!*





Just In case the video doesn't upload, CLICK THE TITLE to see the video...

Peace & Blessings
~Phoenix

Tear. Drop. 6/30

Like pollen tickling the upper echelon elitist of the sinus cavity
These tears have been irritating the dry poverty lines beneath my eyes for far too long
Onlookers scream out “Just let them fall!!”
But they don’t understand

The sadness has become so volatile
That the swift movement of bitter tear racing from cheek to ground
Is enough to spark a sweet flame in this arid condition

Irrigation systems have long since been implemented
Rooted at the well of my heart
And race the course of my skin
Misappropriated affection led to the malfunction of said heart
Said heart was the root at the well
Said well ran dry
And now, not even in the presence of Hell itself can I burst into a sweat

Opinions of friend, foe, and those who “been there bee-fo’ “
Roll out expensive therapeutic Kentucky Blue grass across my barren landscape
Hoping that it will quickly stick and grow
Praying my dying foliage doesn't bring down their property value
And grow it does
Quickly
But just as soon sliding across my mental
Like fresh white socks on dead hardened wood floors
It doesn’t stick

Its only an aberration of what they wish was the case when they looked at me
They want my sadness to be joy
My smile, original and authentic
But the smile is plaster
Lightweight materials filling a hole
A hole that can be pushed in with only the slightest bit of pressure
Revealing the ravaging of the lies that have long since eaten through the frame behind these walls

These tears
Faithfully proclaiming loyalty to a cold decrepit memory of a warm thriving existence
Are irritating the dry poverty lines beneath my eyes
Making their way to the bend of my nose
In search of freedom and a life outside of being trapped behind flooded lids

And so I wait
Anticipatory muscles in my face twitch and push the bitters tears to the edge of their cliff
Ready to jump
Ready to spark the sweet flame

And so I wait
Staring out at the crowd screaming “Just let them fall”

I wonder, which one of them will be the first to put out the fire...



(c)j.claude'10-Phoenix-

Random Ailment 5/30

I've got this problem with my lips
They peel a lot
And see this was never an issue, because it was never an issue until I met you

Met you in late summer

And you first kissed me in early fall
Venom began rubbing off a few weeks later
But it didn’t start visibly affecting me until the seasons shifted
And with the cooler temperatures came the first signs of my ailment

As Winter had a growth spurt and made like Sunday morning
Cold easy and dry became the trifecta that laid the foundation of our house
But because our abode was cold easy and dry
My lips just wouldn’t stop peeling
So I relied on your heat your hardness your moisture
Those irresistible fiery candy coated honey laden sentiments
flowed from your orifice to mine
Sticking to my bottom lip like hot gum crushed up under the weight of sculpted heels

And the more red flags I saw
I protested
But as lip met lip they would stick
And it became easier to stay silent
Until the stickiness subsided
Subsided, and finally gave way to the peeling

The peeling

The peeling, the only sign that I was dealing with an infection
And with every kiss it grew more aggressive
So I searched for ointment, covered it up with the ex’s
No, not Blistex or Carmex
But comparisons of previously nurtured relationships
You know, The Ex’s
Shoulda. Coulda. Woulda.
And since you loved me a little bit better than he should have
And held me a little bit tighter than the rest of them could have
I went along for a ride that, under normal circumstances, I never would have

My sense gave way to common misconceptions
That teaches common simple women
The simple common practice of engaging in unprotected love
So I commonly engaged in unprotected love

With you.

Time and again.

The ensuing pregnancy led to the gestation labor and birth of your seed
So we did the only decent thing
Decided to become a family
We held hands and gazed into each others eye's and named him Insecurity
But dreams faded into reality
The reality that you never loved me

And as the tale goes, you’re gone so I’m left to raise our bastard son
A son who is no less than his Father’s child
Cause when I kiss him at night and our lips meet
Your blood coursing through him meets me
And pumps a little more venom into my soul
And so my lips, they continuously peel
Even though you are long gone
They peel
They peel and its fiery
But I endure the pain
Raise our child in a happy home
And so that our abode never again becomes cold easy or dry
I nurture our seed, kiss him every night
Because no matter the sins of the Father
Every child needs their Mother…


(c)j.claude'10-Phoenix-

Natural Beauty (Haiku for you) 4/30

Ruff and tuff with my/Afro puff!! Who wants to buy/my Chi? Just call me ;o)


(c)j.claude'10-Phoenix-

Be back shortly (Haiku for you) 3/30

Blue moons pave the way./One ticket to outer space./Gone (to find my love)


(c)j.claude'10-Phoenix-

If you're not first... 2/30

Coming in second place NEVER sat well with me

and although my love for you wafts thick

it's not thick enough to mask the pungent odor of the stale nothings you whisper in my ear

the rough edges of fingertips once soft caressing her mind

now weathered by the winds in your travels to be by my side

I can no longer oblige

I love you enough to give you time to finish it with her & with me begin to build

I love me enough to know that you never will...



(c)j.claude'10-Phoenix-

Lost (Haiku for you) 1/30

My crystal ball dis/solved into sand. How do I/ find my way from here??

(c)j.claude'10-Phoenix-

Its been too long...

I know I've been distant, but please charge it to my head and not my heart...I was born under a bad sign and am spacey by nature ;o) But no, really I've been STUPID busy, however, I really am pressing to stay more focused and blog on a consistent basis. Seeing as how it's National Poetry Month, (and speaking of being consistent) I feel it only befitting to post a piece every day. The Thirty Day Challenge begins!! So I'll put them here and on FB <3 Enjoy, and once again, it's good to be back.

Peace & Blessings
Phoenix