I'm immersed, trapped, falling, dissapearing. I'm standing, chatting it up, In a room full of people, all alone. My smile reflects the empty edge that is crepping across my personal space. So I smile. I pull energy from the bottom of my feet and respond to the comments: "You look so good girl!" (Thank you *smile*) "You're not here with anybody??" (Nooo, not this time *smile*) "Girl, it's ok cause you look amazing" (awww, thank you girl, you too!! *smile*) etc...the occasional glance from uninteresting unattractive overbearing members of the opposite sex urks my last nerve & and pushes my smile to mega-watt status. Maybe if I put on the full glare, eyes will avert. I smile. I smile to keep from crying. I try and remember that I'm not alone, in the room full of people, feeling all alone. I convince myself that, although I'm the only single person there in a room of fifty couples, I am somebody fully and wholly by myself. God has shaped me in his image. I am wonderful, and kind hearted, and loving, and caring and I have a gorgeous smile. It is my veil. My shield. My one way trip inside myself. I smile so I don't have to venture out to the real world, and realize that, yet again I'm looking good, feeling great, and slowly dissapearing in a room full of people...all alone.
j.claude(C)2011 Phoenix
