((I wrote this awhile back, and it was on my FaceBook, but I'ma share it on my blog as well...just to get my feet wet in this writing game ya dig??...))
Realizations & revelations can sometimes be compared to a pink suede elephant in the middle of a room--No one wants to say anything, in lieu of being out of place, but everyone sees it, begins to accept it, and really everything is quite alright...until it starts stepping on toes.
It's been said that everything on this Earth is reminiscent of something in Heaven. (i.e. childbirth & being born again; stormy weather & trials in life etc...)
So I take the liberty-as if liberties were created for anything other than the taking-carefully pick up this statement, transport it over the chasms of my mind, dip it off the end of my logic and put it to bed in between my pool of useless trivial information & long list of foreign car names [which, at a second thought, could probably be filed under "Useless trivial information" but I digress] As one of the most indecisive and completely compulsive people I know, I've actually made leeway on thoughts, about this thought, of my own...plainly put, I've had a revelation...
**and it goes--a lil sump'in like dissss**
As the sunlight bled thru my blinds early this morning and began to tap at my consciousness, it was immediately beaten back by the one, then two fat drops of rain pummeling to the green grass a story below my window. Half awake, and mostly asleep, I started the day off with prayer and almost instantly fell back into my state of ecstasy ((and yes, I said ecstasy--anyone who knows me, knows that sleep, for me, is the next best thing to...well, I would say sex, but since I can't claim marriage, I won't claim sex...I'll say "A Good Movie"...we're all grown here and God knows I'm workin' to live right...)) but ANYWAY...I eventually rolled out of bed, went to class, and work and the rec and bible study and blah blah blah....no real personal bible study time, no prayer time ( I fell back into my deep slumber, remember)...
**12 hrs later**
I'm back home laid out across my oasis, continuing my Sex&the City Marathon, stretching my limbs & enjoying my time to myself...
Now, as revelations go, this one hit me hard enough for me to pause my DVD player, sit up, flip on the lamp and take a good look in the looming mirror above me. A prevervial mirror, mind you, but a mirror nonetheless. In this mirror, I saw a residual form of myself that I could have dealt without seeing, so upclose & personal and all...at least until I got done with season 6 & the bonus disc. I was looking at Me...but the me that looked into this mirror & the me that was caught glowering back HAD to be two separate entities. There I was. The Me that I despise. The Me I sit up and talk to my best friend about. The Me I internally shake my head at in pity & sorrow as they pass by. The Me who can't see what they have, right in their face. Me...
...
...
Ok, the three dots are usually the time for wild bursts of applause, & praise-but me & my A.D.D. self, left out the best part...the translation of the revelation *chuckles*...[[deep sigh]] ok, here we go..
Sooo, if you didn't know, I'm currently entrapped in some deep, devious form of Love **gasps all around**I know I know, surprising...but yes Devious .. yes .. yes .. yes, I thought it over and devious is the most accurate adjective I can come up with...and I'm sticking with it .. but yes, devious love--and instead of boxing it up and storing it away with other deviant characteristics (i.e. the need to wear scrunchies, rocking the 'one pant leg up one down' look, the side ponytail, using my 'one finger while moving my neck in a circular fashion' stint in the financial aid office, smacking my gum while patting my head and so on and so forth...you get the idea) I let it get out of control & now I am SO over myself. Fortunately for you (or maybe not, depends on what you lookin' for LOL), this little publication is not about how in love I am, but more so how in love I'm NOT...with GOD. Now, on a very surface level, I love God...am IN love with God and am doing my darndest to bring this to fruition daily...but daily, I'm failing. My love for God is being dispersed amongst so much else in my life. My education, my finances, CHURCH, my friends, my music, my appearance, my fun...and that 'other' love I briefly mentioned a few sentences ago. And not to say that I don't remember the scriptures about being a sinner and falling short and daily renewing my mind in Christ and so on and so forth, but I'm not doing my best. I think..well...I think that I do enough to call myself a christian...annnnnnd, that's about it.
But am I in it to win it?? Like REALLY train to WIN it?? Like, hardcore win...complete with Rocky theme music and swaggerific lines stollen from Ali?? ((I'm the best, I'm a badddd man, and I'm pretty!))
For me, the whole "LOVE" scenario, really hit home, and brought this revelation full circle. To love someone-for any number of reasons- and they not reciprocate at the time-again, for any number of reasons- is painful. To put action behind the word and not have the action reciprocated, acknowledged, or even thanked can be even worse. Every radio station that starts with "Kiss" "Foxy" or "Fire" reminds us ALL of this, after 12am...constantly!! Honestly, there are not enough Keyshia Cole, Whitney Houston, Teddy Pendergrass, Toni B, BabyFace or Mary J. Blige songs in the world to convey the fact that Love can hurt. Although some levels of this "so-called" pain can be as rudimentary as "wow, I can't believe this is happening to me" or as complex as wanting to trip yourself off of something, it can all be categorized as unpleasant...and in this unpleasantness one can find, if they so choose, a new outlook on life...
you could opt for inducing your own sugar ladden coma on a comfortable piece of furniture somewhere, but I suggest NOT...besides, sugar is overrated..or at least that's what my trainer says...
This is where my own personal pink suede elephant comes in-right on time & stepping on toes as scheduled. While hugged up on a pillow slurping down an icee, I had to stop & begin to wonder...What if my situation is the mirror [pervervial!] that I need to look into...What IF I am the man I love, and God is me??? How much more love does God have for me, and how much more have I hurt him by just being surface?? Ok ok ok...I know you're rubbing your head...or shaking your head...or deleting me as a friend, but really--stop and think--matter of fact, let's bring it to our level for a minute--Ladies, how would it feel to be dating a guy who insists on making you banana pancakes for dinner at least once a month, but you hate bananas...and you tell him at least once a month--it's been 8 months...And fellas, what about the girlfriend that can't put down her own wants and feelings enough to be considerate and split the cost of gas with you on a trip 2 or 3 states long...and you drive a suburban...and she ridin' with you b/c she hates to drive--after 2 yrs of dating and an engagement ring on the way?? For you married people--wives, what about the Husband who won't compromise about a football game..that he's not even playing in..and you have TiVo?? And husbands what about a wife who consistentlyputs you down in public when hard times come (as they are bound to do) but plays it off as "just jokes"...for the friends--what about that BESSSSTT friend who forgets your 20, 21, 22, & 25 birthday...all because they are too busy to remember, but they know you know they mean well so they take advantage...or what about that big brother or sister who won't have your back on the playground, in the hood, or even on the street in your very classy very suburban gated planned community??
this would be a good time to kindly ask all of the semantical arguers in the house to excuse yourself...you want semantics? I suggest Plato.
And so, the cycle perpetuates itself. We are content to parley companionship for a 1Corinthians 13 kind of love. We are happy to make our lives contingent upon what others will think...if we say ________ .. instead of what others may begin to say...when we actually begin to think...and we carry this over into our spiritual lives. We base our relationship with God off of the shallow remnants of pieces of situations we find on this Earth, and hastily construct them into shody images of what we think his Love and our love should be like. Just like we don't like to fall into any of the above situations, we shouldn't make God feel like the red-headed step child in our personal relationships with him. Not to patronize God to the level of being menial, emotional, unstable, human, mortal creatures, but to inspire into your thoughts something you can understand--No one wants to be hurt, everyone knows how to love--and this was my revelation...I'd lost touch with my Love. My first Love. My TRUE love.
meanwhile...
I am so glad God is not like man. He doesn't hold me to my flaws, or leave me when I'm wrong, or judge me when I stray and return. He is a loving and awesome God...and here I am being ungrateful--shedding tears, on borrowed time, over some "Love" that can't appreciate it...(right now...for any number of reasons) He loves me unconditionally...and here I am, forgetting his birthday, being stingy, being needy, being too busy...you know...all those deplorable actions that you never want to see in yourself...all the actions I never knew existed in myself...Me...the Me I despise...the Me I talk about with my best friend...there I am...
right right...true true...
I believe that, eventually, everyone has to acknowledge their own personal pink suede elephants in the room. Loving others while here on Earth is no crime & can make this journey enjoyable & desirable even. However, losing sight of oneself can be detrimental & can lead to forgoing the notion that, really, we ARE living on borrowed time. As grim as it may seem, there are only two things in life we can EVER be certain of-we were born and we will die. There you have it. TWO. Everything else is just filler...so hey, why not live life like we're grateful? Why not submit? Why not put the things of this world down? Why not be the sore thumb? Why not preach the word? Why not pray & study the word? Why not change the way we talk? Why not be that light? Why not learn to compromise...as we ask others to compromise for us? And not necessarily all in one day, but why not try?? Not talk about it...but be about it...be that example [[and if example for no one but ourselves, than so be it]]
Pink suede elephants come in many different colors...don't be bound. They are also available in courderoy & denim...pick your pleasure ;o)
So, If everything on Earth is reminiscent of things in Heaven then my lesson learned is that I no longer want to be reminiscent of another sad love song, but I want to be pleasing in God's sight. I want our relationship to blossom and grow. I want to compromise my wants for God's needs--his need for me to be saved and his will for me to live in peace and happiness and to inherit life & life more abundantly. I no longer want it to be: "What if God were like Me-unconditionally loving this other guy...and I'm like that other other guy-really could care less"...
((sigh)) That's how revelations go sometimes...they are usually only relevant for the situation that you're in...sometimes it can be situations you can relate to, but most times, it's the ones that you are in. The ones that hurt. The one's aiding to your sleep loss at night..those situations that possess no alpha and no clear concise sign of an omega...the situations you really could go without thinking about, turn into the situation that has you up at night really thinking about ... ( insert here ) ...
Crazy right? Almost as absurd as dressing an elephant in pink suede *chuckles* ((sigh)) Talk about turning lemons into lemonade...♥
It's been said that everything on this Earth is reminiscent of something in Heaven. (i.e. childbirth & being born again; stormy weather & trials in life etc...)
So I take the liberty-as if liberties were created for anything other than the taking-carefully pick up this statement, transport it over the chasms of my mind, dip it off the end of my logic and put it to bed in between my pool of useless trivial information & long list of foreign car names [which, at a second thought, could probably be filed under "Useless trivial information" but I digress] As one of the most indecisive and completely compulsive people I know, I've actually made leeway on thoughts, about this thought, of my own...plainly put, I've had a revelation...
**and it goes--a lil sump'in like dissss**
As the sunlight bled thru my blinds early this morning and began to tap at my consciousness, it was immediately beaten back by the one, then two fat drops of rain pummeling to the green grass a story below my window. Half awake, and mostly asleep, I started the day off with prayer and almost instantly fell back into my state of ecstasy ((and yes, I said ecstasy--anyone who knows me, knows that sleep, for me, is the next best thing to...well, I would say sex, but since I can't claim marriage, I won't claim sex...I'll say "A Good Movie"...we're all grown here and God knows I'm workin' to live right...)) but ANYWAY...I eventually rolled out of bed, went to class, and work and the rec and bible study and blah blah blah....no real personal bible study time, no prayer time ( I fell back into my deep slumber, remember)...
**12 hrs later**
I'm back home laid out across my oasis, continuing my Sex&the City Marathon, stretching my limbs & enjoying my time to myself...
Now, as revelations go, this one hit me hard enough for me to pause my DVD player, sit up, flip on the lamp and take a good look in the looming mirror above me. A prevervial mirror, mind you, but a mirror nonetheless. In this mirror, I saw a residual form of myself that I could have dealt without seeing, so upclose & personal and all...at least until I got done with season 6 & the bonus disc. I was looking at Me...but the me that looked into this mirror & the me that was caught glowering back HAD to be two separate entities. There I was. The Me that I despise. The Me I sit up and talk to my best friend about. The Me I internally shake my head at in pity & sorrow as they pass by. The Me who can't see what they have, right in their face. Me...
...
...
Ok, the three dots are usually the time for wild bursts of applause, & praise-but me & my A.D.D. self, left out the best part...the translation of the revelation *chuckles*...[[deep sigh]] ok, here we go..
Sooo, if you didn't know, I'm currently entrapped in some deep, devious form of Love **gasps all around**I know I know, surprising...but yes Devious .. yes .. yes .. yes, I thought it over and devious is the most accurate adjective I can come up with...and I'm sticking with it .. but yes, devious love--and instead of boxing it up and storing it away with other deviant characteristics (i.e. the need to wear scrunchies, rocking the 'one pant leg up one down' look, the side ponytail, using my 'one finger while moving my neck in a circular fashion' stint in the financial aid office, smacking my gum while patting my head and so on and so forth...you get the idea) I let it get out of control & now I am SO over myself. Fortunately for you (or maybe not, depends on what you lookin' for LOL), this little publication is not about how in love I am, but more so how in love I'm NOT...with GOD. Now, on a very surface level, I love God...am IN love with God and am doing my darndest to bring this to fruition daily...but daily, I'm failing. My love for God is being dispersed amongst so much else in my life. My education, my finances, CHURCH, my friends, my music, my appearance, my fun...and that 'other' love I briefly mentioned a few sentences ago. And not to say that I don't remember the scriptures about being a sinner and falling short and daily renewing my mind in Christ and so on and so forth, but I'm not doing my best. I think..well...I think that I do enough to call myself a christian...annnnnnd, that's about it.
But am I in it to win it?? Like REALLY train to WIN it?? Like, hardcore win...complete with Rocky theme music and swaggerific lines stollen from Ali?? ((I'm the best, I'm a badddd man, and I'm pretty!))
For me, the whole "LOVE" scenario, really hit home, and brought this revelation full circle. To love someone-for any number of reasons- and they not reciprocate at the time-again, for any number of reasons- is painful. To put action behind the word and not have the action reciprocated, acknowledged, or even thanked can be even worse. Every radio station that starts with "Kiss" "Foxy" or "Fire" reminds us ALL of this, after 12am...constantly!! Honestly, there are not enough Keyshia Cole, Whitney Houston, Teddy Pendergrass, Toni B, BabyFace or Mary J. Blige songs in the world to convey the fact that Love can hurt. Although some levels of this "so-called" pain can be as rudimentary as "wow, I can't believe this is happening to me" or as complex as wanting to trip yourself off of something, it can all be categorized as unpleasant...and in this unpleasantness one can find, if they so choose, a new outlook on life...
you could opt for inducing your own sugar ladden coma on a comfortable piece of furniture somewhere, but I suggest NOT...besides, sugar is overrated..or at least that's what my trainer says...
This is where my own personal pink suede elephant comes in-right on time & stepping on toes as scheduled. While hugged up on a pillow slurping down an icee, I had to stop & begin to wonder...What if my situation is the mirror [pervervial!] that I need to look into...What IF I am the man I love, and God is me??? How much more love does God have for me, and how much more have I hurt him by just being surface?? Ok ok ok...I know you're rubbing your head...or shaking your head...or deleting me as a friend, but really--stop and think--matter of fact, let's bring it to our level for a minute--Ladies, how would it feel to be dating a guy who insists on making you banana pancakes for dinner at least once a month, but you hate bananas...and you tell him at least once a month--it's been 8 months...And fellas, what about the girlfriend that can't put down her own wants and feelings enough to be considerate and split the cost of gas with you on a trip 2 or 3 states long...and you drive a suburban...and she ridin' with you b/c she hates to drive--after 2 yrs of dating and an engagement ring on the way?? For you married people--wives, what about the Husband who won't compromise about a football game..that he's not even playing in..and you have TiVo?? And husbands what about a wife who consistentlyputs you down in public when hard times come (as they are bound to do) but plays it off as "just jokes"...for the friends--what about that BESSSSTT friend who forgets your 20, 21, 22, & 25 birthday...all because they are too busy to remember, but they know you know they mean well so they take advantage...or what about that big brother or sister who won't have your back on the playground, in the hood, or even on the street in your very classy very suburban gated planned community??
this would be a good time to kindly ask all of the semantical arguers in the house to excuse yourself...you want semantics? I suggest Plato.
And so, the cycle perpetuates itself. We are content to parley companionship for a 1Corinthians 13 kind of love. We are happy to make our lives contingent upon what others will think...if we say ________ .. instead of what others may begin to say...when we actually begin to think...and we carry this over into our spiritual lives. We base our relationship with God off of the shallow remnants of pieces of situations we find on this Earth, and hastily construct them into shody images of what we think his Love and our love should be like. Just like we don't like to fall into any of the above situations, we shouldn't make God feel like the red-headed step child in our personal relationships with him. Not to patronize God to the level of being menial, emotional, unstable, human, mortal creatures, but to inspire into your thoughts something you can understand--No one wants to be hurt, everyone knows how to love--and this was my revelation...I'd lost touch with my Love. My first Love. My TRUE love.
meanwhile...
I am so glad God is not like man. He doesn't hold me to my flaws, or leave me when I'm wrong, or judge me when I stray and return. He is a loving and awesome God...and here I am being ungrateful--shedding tears, on borrowed time, over some "Love" that can't appreciate it...(right now...for any number of reasons) He loves me unconditionally...and here I am, forgetting his birthday, being stingy, being needy, being too busy...you know...all those deplorable actions that you never want to see in yourself...all the actions I never knew existed in myself...Me...the Me I despise...the Me I talk about with my best friend...there I am...
right right...true true...
I believe that, eventually, everyone has to acknowledge their own personal pink suede elephants in the room. Loving others while here on Earth is no crime & can make this journey enjoyable & desirable even. However, losing sight of oneself can be detrimental & can lead to forgoing the notion that, really, we ARE living on borrowed time. As grim as it may seem, there are only two things in life we can EVER be certain of-we were born and we will die. There you have it. TWO. Everything else is just filler...so hey, why not live life like we're grateful? Why not submit? Why not put the things of this world down? Why not be the sore thumb? Why not preach the word? Why not pray & study the word? Why not change the way we talk? Why not be that light? Why not learn to compromise...as we ask others to compromise for us? And not necessarily all in one day, but why not try?? Not talk about it...but be about it...be that example [[and if example for no one but ourselves, than so be it]]
Pink suede elephants come in many different colors...don't be bound. They are also available in courderoy & denim...pick your pleasure ;o)
So, If everything on Earth is reminiscent of things in Heaven then my lesson learned is that I no longer want to be reminiscent of another sad love song, but I want to be pleasing in God's sight. I want our relationship to blossom and grow. I want to compromise my wants for God's needs--his need for me to be saved and his will for me to live in peace and happiness and to inherit life & life more abundantly. I no longer want it to be: "What if God were like Me-unconditionally loving this other guy...and I'm like that other other guy-really could care less"...
((sigh)) That's how revelations go sometimes...they are usually only relevant for the situation that you're in...sometimes it can be situations you can relate to, but most times, it's the ones that you are in. The ones that hurt. The one's aiding to your sleep loss at night..those situations that possess no alpha and no clear concise sign of an omega...the situations you really could go without thinking about, turn into the situation that has you up at night really thinking about ... ( insert here ) ...
Crazy right? Almost as absurd as dressing an elephant in pink suede *chuckles* ((sigh)) Talk about turning lemons into lemonade...♥
~j
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