Just click the title & be easy on the comments ok--I'm fragile *chuckles* ;o)
~j
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Finally!!
Ok fam, I FINALLY got my video to post and guess what...it's like 10 days old, but I'm posting it anywayz because I can...I actually have quite a few things to blog about and as soon as I finish these midterm papers, it'll happen...but this little diddy should appease everyone for now =o)
Saturday, October 04, 2008
Up close & Personal...
The rules that accompany it are as follows:
# When you receive the prize you must write a post showing it, together with the name of who has given it to you, and link them back.
# Choose a minimum of 7 blogs (or more) that you find brilliant in their content or design.
# Show their names and links and leave them a comment informing they were prized with ‘Honest Weblog’.
# Show a picture of those who awarded you and those you give the prize (optional).
# List [if you can and or dare] at least ten honest things about yourself. [[I did 12!!, LOL]]
# And then, pass it on.
Welp, here we go...
#1- Going on 24 is showing me alot about myself these days...Sex, Love, & Pain wasn't just an amazing title by one of my favorite artists [Tank..just in case you didn't know], but it could really be the title of my life right now...between the Sex I'm not supposed to be having, the Love I'm pushing away, and the Pain I'm causing myself I'm amazed that I'm still sane.
#2- I am very bitter right now...I feel like God picked me up, and dropped me in the middle of a shark filled ocean and wants to see how I'ma fend for myself...I'm not bitter towards God by any means...but...I guess they are not called growing pains for nuthin--I'm so over myself at this point...I'm confused, I'm torn, I'm hurt, I'm struggling, I'm tired, and I'm starting to understand how the "backslider" gets to be that way. Jeremiah 29:11-13 tells me that God knows his thoughts towards me...so I'm taking that knowledge and working on pulling myself up-with God's help-one day at a time, and eventually I'll be back to striving for that position as a Proverbs 31 Woman..
#3- I am bent outta shape about the fact that I'm JUST now finding about a sibling I've never known...REALLY sperm donor?? Reallllyyy?? *wOw* Thanks...
#4- I am the child of a man and a woman but I am not a child...((and yes, I DID steal that off of an old episode of Moesha...but I LOVE that quote *chuckles*))
#5- Speaking of children...I have this deep rooted fear--I don't want to get to the altar one day, say 'I do', have kids, and have to end something that could have been prevented had I not been so blinded by love in the first place. I know there are ways to prevent this (being cautious, praying about it, NOT having sex while you're engaged but getting to know that person, being willing to compromise...blah blah blah, and this, that, and the third...) but the fear is still there...My Grandfather was a great example for me, but I'd never want to bring a life into the world and not show them a nuclear, semi-stable home...I think we all go thru things for a reason, to make us better, so I'm working on making myself better...and taming my fears =o)
#6- very recently, my relationship w/a friend I held very close has been altered beyond my wildest dreams, and I didn't realize how hurt I really was until about a week or so ago...I'll delve into that situation in a forthcoming blog...but it's safe to say that I'm human...b/c before this, I was a duck, letting everything roll off my back like water; but this thing that happened stopped me in my tracks and knocked me over so hard, I woke up on the [perverbial] floor. I stood up and it was like I'd been shot in the head ...I held out my hands as my oozing dreams splattered across my spread fingertips...applying pressure to the ugly wound, eager not to dirty up my spotless reality...bleeding tears and crying out in laughter cuz thass what happens when Life takes the time to show you who's really running things...
#7- Regarding #6, I'm pretty much past the pain...my time is borrowed and it marches on, and-quite frankly- I've got things to do...
#8-I have this love/hate relationship w/my Mother. It stems from years and years of being in an aggressive relationship w/a woman I HAD to respect-or my GrandParents would be in my tail, ya dig-but that respect never turned into a friendship. I desperately want things to change, but we just cannot be friends. I'm comfortable being me, and she doesn't like me...so where does that leave us?? Ok, let me back up--it's not that she doesn't like me, she just doesn't approve of my choices...my educational path, my love interests, my financial choices, my hair, my style of clothing, my weight, my makeup, my music, my lingo, my love for diversity, my lack of afro-centrism, and my devotion to my friends over some family members. So...yeah, that pretty much means she doesn't like me...I know she doesn't want me to make mistakes and screw my life up, but I'm really trying to live MY life, and I mean. I'm glad she was such a GREAT Mother, cuz I turned out pretty great myself--and if you don't know, you betta ask somebody ;o)--...but...sometimes, I wish I could talk to her about certain things I really need her advise on. Our endless arguments and my tears over her abrasive remarks towards me just deepens the need in me to get farther & farther away from her...I love her SO much, & want to know, and make sure, she is doing well...but I have no desire to be around my Mother every other weekend...or every month...or even every other month. I'm almost on a "I'll see you on the Holidays" tip--but I'm fighting that w/every inch of Will I have left...my busy schedule isn't helping b/c it's giving me the excuse I need never to go home. It's legit now...but when things open up in a year or so, how will I feel then?? Maybe, hopefully, prayerfully that will change one day...and one day SOON =o\
#9- I love God w/all of my confused, disfigured, misunderstood heart mind & soul. I have one degree (B.A. Psychology) I am working on a second and then on getting into grad school, and getting that Masters. I volunteer. I LOVE kids. I eat 'Heart Healthy'. I smile. I don't run red lights. I drive like a New Yorker (which means, I don't run red lights, but I don't believe in yellow lights either*chuckles*) I hold doors for people (EVEN back in NY--no matter how many strange looks I get, LOL) I allow others to say to me what they need to say to me, no matter how blunt. I realize there is no 'I' in team. I am very honest & open. I will give you one of my kidneys if you give me good enough cause. I thank God for giving me such a loving heart. I have a J-O-B. I'm quite girly, & have a passion for shoes. I was blessed w/a hustler's mentality. I walk like a boss, I talk like a boss. I'm too humble for my own good. I'm WAY too hard on myself. I'm WAY too stressed. I don't know how to fail...BUT...Almost every morning that I wake up, I feel like a failure...like I'm not doing enough...and since I don't know how to fail, I continue to press towards that unseen goal. I don't know if that's just the world's way of pushing me to my best potential...or if I'm just buggin'...*shakes head* =o/
#10- I'm starting not to trust people(on a friendship basis)...I love HARD(in relationships...friend or other)...and it's rare that I run into a man who makes me double take after a first conversation...
11#- I really wish relationships could be void of games. I have a 45k dollar piece of paper that tells me I'm capable of beasting the art of "games" if need be...but I really really REALLY wish they weren't neessary...
#12- I've secretly practiced my Grammy Award speech that I'm going to give one day for "best new female artist" and "best new colab" for my single that I'm going to drop...it'll feature Me, Kim Burrell, and The Rose of Gospel, also known as Dorinda Clark Cole... ;o)
WOW...talk about feeling exposed--Welp, it's that time peoples...get to posting and make sure and tag me back so I can go be nosy...hee hee
~j
Friday, October 03, 2008
Pink Suede Elephants
((I wrote this awhile back, and it was on my FaceBook, but I'ma share it on my blog as well...just to get my feet wet in this writing game ya dig??...))
Realizations & revelations can sometimes be compared to a pink suede elephant in the middle of a room--No one wants to say anything, in lieu of being out of place, but everyone sees it, begins to accept it, and really everything is quite alright...until it starts stepping on toes.
It's been said that everything on this Earth is reminiscent of something in Heaven. (i.e. childbirth & being born again; stormy weather & trials in life etc...)
So I take the liberty-as if liberties were created for anything other than the taking-carefully pick up this statement, transport it over the chasms of my mind, dip it off the end of my logic and put it to bed in between my pool of useless trivial information & long list of foreign car names [which, at a second thought, could probably be filed under "Useless trivial information" but I digress] As one of the most indecisive and completely compulsive people I know, I've actually made leeway on thoughts, about this thought, of my own...plainly put, I've had a revelation...
**and it goes--a lil sump'in like dissss**
As the sunlight bled thru my blinds early this morning and began to tap at my consciousness, it was immediately beaten back by the one, then two fat drops of rain pummeling to the green grass a story below my window. Half awake, and mostly asleep, I started the day off with prayer and almost instantly fell back into my state of ecstasy ((and yes, I said ecstasy--anyone who knows me, knows that sleep, for me, is the next best thing to...well, I would say sex, but since I can't claim marriage, I won't claim sex...I'll say "A Good Movie"...we're all grown here and God knows I'm workin' to live right...)) but ANYWAY...I eventually rolled out of bed, went to class, and work and the rec and bible study and blah blah blah....no real personal bible study time, no prayer time ( I fell back into my deep slumber, remember)...
**12 hrs later**
I'm back home laid out across my oasis, continuing my Sex&the City Marathon, stretching my limbs & enjoying my time to myself...
Now, as revelations go, this one hit me hard enough for me to pause my DVD player, sit up, flip on the lamp and take a good look in the looming mirror above me. A prevervial mirror, mind you, but a mirror nonetheless. In this mirror, I saw a residual form of myself that I could have dealt without seeing, so upclose & personal and all...at least until I got done with season 6 & the bonus disc. I was looking at Me...but the me that looked into this mirror & the me that was caught glowering back HAD to be two separate entities. There I was. The Me that I despise. The Me I sit up and talk to my best friend about. The Me I internally shake my head at in pity & sorrow as they pass by. The Me who can't see what they have, right in their face. Me...
...
...
Ok, the three dots are usually the time for wild bursts of applause, & praise-but me & my A.D.D. self, left out the best part...the translation of the revelation *chuckles*...[[deep sigh]] ok, here we go..
Sooo, if you didn't know, I'm currently entrapped in some deep, devious form of Love **gasps all around**I know I know, surprising...but yes Devious .. yes .. yes .. yes, I thought it over and devious is the most accurate adjective I can come up with...and I'm sticking with it .. but yes, devious love--and instead of boxing it up and storing it away with other deviant characteristics (i.e. the need to wear scrunchies, rocking the 'one pant leg up one down' look, the side ponytail, using my 'one finger while moving my neck in a circular fashion' stint in the financial aid office, smacking my gum while patting my head and so on and so forth...you get the idea) I let it get out of control & now I am SO over myself. Fortunately for you (or maybe not, depends on what you lookin' for LOL), this little publication is not about how in love I am, but more so how in love I'm NOT...with GOD. Now, on a very surface level, I love God...am IN love with God and am doing my darndest to bring this to fruition daily...but daily, I'm failing. My love for God is being dispersed amongst so much else in my life. My education, my finances, CHURCH, my friends, my music, my appearance, my fun...and that 'other' love I briefly mentioned a few sentences ago. And not to say that I don't remember the scriptures about being a sinner and falling short and daily renewing my mind in Christ and so on and so forth, but I'm not doing my best. I think..well...I think that I do enough to call myself a christian...annnnnnd, that's about it.
But am I in it to win it?? Like REALLY train to WIN it?? Like, hardcore win...complete with Rocky theme music and swaggerific lines stollen from Ali?? ((I'm the best, I'm a badddd man, and I'm pretty!))
For me, the whole "LOVE" scenario, really hit home, and brought this revelation full circle. To love someone-for any number of reasons- and they not reciprocate at the time-again, for any number of reasons- is painful. To put action behind the word and not have the action reciprocated, acknowledged, or even thanked can be even worse. Every radio station that starts with "Kiss" "Foxy" or "Fire" reminds us ALL of this, after 12am...constantly!! Honestly, there are not enough Keyshia Cole, Whitney Houston, Teddy Pendergrass, Toni B, BabyFace or Mary J. Blige songs in the world to convey the fact that Love can hurt. Although some levels of this "so-called" pain can be as rudimentary as "wow, I can't believe this is happening to me" or as complex as wanting to trip yourself off of something, it can all be categorized as unpleasant...and in this unpleasantness one can find, if they so choose, a new outlook on life...
you could opt for inducing your own sugar ladden coma on a comfortable piece of furniture somewhere, but I suggest NOT...besides, sugar is overrated..or at least that's what my trainer says...
This is where my own personal pink suede elephant comes in-right on time & stepping on toes as scheduled. While hugged up on a pillow slurping down an icee, I had to stop & begin to wonder...What if my situation is the mirror [pervervial!] that I need to look into...What IF I am the man I love, and God is me??? How much more love does God have for me, and how much more have I hurt him by just being surface?? Ok ok ok...I know you're rubbing your head...or shaking your head...or deleting me as a friend, but really--stop and think--matter of fact, let's bring it to our level for a minute--Ladies, how would it feel to be dating a guy who insists on making you banana pancakes for dinner at least once a month, but you hate bananas...and you tell him at least once a month--it's been 8 months...And fellas, what about the girlfriend that can't put down her own wants and feelings enough to be considerate and split the cost of gas with you on a trip 2 or 3 states long...and you drive a suburban...and she ridin' with you b/c she hates to drive--after 2 yrs of dating and an engagement ring on the way?? For you married people--wives, what about the Husband who won't compromise about a football game..that he's not even playing in..and you have TiVo?? And husbands what about a wife who consistentlyputs you down in public when hard times come (as they are bound to do) but plays it off as "just jokes"...for the friends--what about that BESSSSTT friend who forgets your 20, 21, 22, & 25 birthday...all because they are too busy to remember, but they know you know they mean well so they take advantage...or what about that big brother or sister who won't have your back on the playground, in the hood, or even on the street in your very classy very suburban gated planned community??
this would be a good time to kindly ask all of the semantical arguers in the house to excuse yourself...you want semantics? I suggest Plato.
And so, the cycle perpetuates itself. We are content to parley companionship for a 1Corinthians 13 kind of love. We are happy to make our lives contingent upon what others will think...if we say ________ .. instead of what others may begin to say...when we actually begin to think...and we carry this over into our spiritual lives. We base our relationship with God off of the shallow remnants of pieces of situations we find on this Earth, and hastily construct them into shody images of what we think his Love and our love should be like. Just like we don't like to fall into any of the above situations, we shouldn't make God feel like the red-headed step child in our personal relationships with him. Not to patronize God to the level of being menial, emotional, unstable, human, mortal creatures, but to inspire into your thoughts something you can understand--No one wants to be hurt, everyone knows how to love--and this was my revelation...I'd lost touch with my Love. My first Love. My TRUE love.
meanwhile...
I am so glad God is not like man. He doesn't hold me to my flaws, or leave me when I'm wrong, or judge me when I stray and return. He is a loving and awesome God...and here I am being ungrateful--shedding tears, on borrowed time, over some "Love" that can't appreciate it...(right now...for any number of reasons) He loves me unconditionally...and here I am, forgetting his birthday, being stingy, being needy, being too busy...you know...all those deplorable actions that you never want to see in yourself...all the actions I never knew existed in myself...Me...the Me I despise...the Me I talk about with my best friend...there I am...
right right...true true...
I believe that, eventually, everyone has to acknowledge their own personal pink suede elephants in the room. Loving others while here on Earth is no crime & can make this journey enjoyable & desirable even. However, losing sight of oneself can be detrimental & can lead to forgoing the notion that, really, we ARE living on borrowed time. As grim as it may seem, there are only two things in life we can EVER be certain of-we were born and we will die. There you have it. TWO. Everything else is just filler...so hey, why not live life like we're grateful? Why not submit? Why not put the things of this world down? Why not be the sore thumb? Why not preach the word? Why not pray & study the word? Why not change the way we talk? Why not be that light? Why not learn to compromise...as we ask others to compromise for us? And not necessarily all in one day, but why not try?? Not talk about it...but be about it...be that example [[and if example for no one but ourselves, than so be it]]
Pink suede elephants come in many different colors...don't be bound. They are also available in courderoy & denim...pick your pleasure ;o)
So, If everything on Earth is reminiscent of things in Heaven then my lesson learned is that I no longer want to be reminiscent of another sad love song, but I want to be pleasing in God's sight. I want our relationship to blossom and grow. I want to compromise my wants for God's needs--his need for me to be saved and his will for me to live in peace and happiness and to inherit life & life more abundantly. I no longer want it to be: "What if God were like Me-unconditionally loving this other guy...and I'm like that other other guy-really could care less"...
((sigh)) That's how revelations go sometimes...they are usually only relevant for the situation that you're in...sometimes it can be situations you can relate to, but most times, it's the ones that you are in. The ones that hurt. The one's aiding to your sleep loss at night..those situations that possess no alpha and no clear concise sign of an omega...the situations you really could go without thinking about, turn into the situation that has you up at night really thinking about ... ( insert here ) ...
Crazy right? Almost as absurd as dressing an elephant in pink suede *chuckles* ((sigh)) Talk about turning lemons into lemonade...♥
It's been said that everything on this Earth is reminiscent of something in Heaven. (i.e. childbirth & being born again; stormy weather & trials in life etc...)
So I take the liberty-as if liberties were created for anything other than the taking-carefully pick up this statement, transport it over the chasms of my mind, dip it off the end of my logic and put it to bed in between my pool of useless trivial information & long list of foreign car names [which, at a second thought, could probably be filed under "Useless trivial information" but I digress] As one of the most indecisive and completely compulsive people I know, I've actually made leeway on thoughts, about this thought, of my own...plainly put, I've had a revelation...
**and it goes--a lil sump'in like dissss**
As the sunlight bled thru my blinds early this morning and began to tap at my consciousness, it was immediately beaten back by the one, then two fat drops of rain pummeling to the green grass a story below my window. Half awake, and mostly asleep, I started the day off with prayer and almost instantly fell back into my state of ecstasy ((and yes, I said ecstasy--anyone who knows me, knows that sleep, for me, is the next best thing to...well, I would say sex, but since I can't claim marriage, I won't claim sex...I'll say "A Good Movie"...we're all grown here and God knows I'm workin' to live right...)) but ANYWAY...I eventually rolled out of bed, went to class, and work and the rec and bible study and blah blah blah....no real personal bible study time, no prayer time ( I fell back into my deep slumber, remember)...
**12 hrs later**
I'm back home laid out across my oasis, continuing my Sex&the City Marathon, stretching my limbs & enjoying my time to myself...
Now, as revelations go, this one hit me hard enough for me to pause my DVD player, sit up, flip on the lamp and take a good look in the looming mirror above me. A prevervial mirror, mind you, but a mirror nonetheless. In this mirror, I saw a residual form of myself that I could have dealt without seeing, so upclose & personal and all...at least until I got done with season 6 & the bonus disc. I was looking at Me...but the me that looked into this mirror & the me that was caught glowering back HAD to be two separate entities. There I was. The Me that I despise. The Me I sit up and talk to my best friend about. The Me I internally shake my head at in pity & sorrow as they pass by. The Me who can't see what they have, right in their face. Me...
...
...
Ok, the three dots are usually the time for wild bursts of applause, & praise-but me & my A.D.D. self, left out the best part...the translation of the revelation *chuckles*...[[deep sigh]] ok, here we go..
Sooo, if you didn't know, I'm currently entrapped in some deep, devious form of Love **gasps all around**I know I know, surprising...but yes Devious .. yes .. yes .. yes, I thought it over and devious is the most accurate adjective I can come up with...and I'm sticking with it .. but yes, devious love--and instead of boxing it up and storing it away with other deviant characteristics (i.e. the need to wear scrunchies, rocking the 'one pant leg up one down' look, the side ponytail, using my 'one finger while moving my neck in a circular fashion' stint in the financial aid office, smacking my gum while patting my head and so on and so forth...you get the idea) I let it get out of control & now I am SO over myself. Fortunately for you (or maybe not, depends on what you lookin' for LOL), this little publication is not about how in love I am, but more so how in love I'm NOT...with GOD. Now, on a very surface level, I love God...am IN love with God and am doing my darndest to bring this to fruition daily...but daily, I'm failing. My love for God is being dispersed amongst so much else in my life. My education, my finances, CHURCH, my friends, my music, my appearance, my fun...and that 'other' love I briefly mentioned a few sentences ago. And not to say that I don't remember the scriptures about being a sinner and falling short and daily renewing my mind in Christ and so on and so forth, but I'm not doing my best. I think..well...I think that I do enough to call myself a christian...annnnnnd, that's about it.
But am I in it to win it?? Like REALLY train to WIN it?? Like, hardcore win...complete with Rocky theme music and swaggerific lines stollen from Ali?? ((I'm the best, I'm a badddd man, and I'm pretty!))
For me, the whole "LOVE" scenario, really hit home, and brought this revelation full circle. To love someone-for any number of reasons- and they not reciprocate at the time-again, for any number of reasons- is painful. To put action behind the word and not have the action reciprocated, acknowledged, or even thanked can be even worse. Every radio station that starts with "Kiss" "Foxy" or "Fire" reminds us ALL of this, after 12am...constantly!! Honestly, there are not enough Keyshia Cole, Whitney Houston, Teddy Pendergrass, Toni B, BabyFace or Mary J. Blige songs in the world to convey the fact that Love can hurt. Although some levels of this "so-called" pain can be as rudimentary as "wow, I can't believe this is happening to me" or as complex as wanting to trip yourself off of something, it can all be categorized as unpleasant...and in this unpleasantness one can find, if they so choose, a new outlook on life...
you could opt for inducing your own sugar ladden coma on a comfortable piece of furniture somewhere, but I suggest NOT...besides, sugar is overrated..or at least that's what my trainer says...
This is where my own personal pink suede elephant comes in-right on time & stepping on toes as scheduled. While hugged up on a pillow slurping down an icee, I had to stop & begin to wonder...What if my situation is the mirror [pervervial!] that I need to look into...What IF I am the man I love, and God is me??? How much more love does God have for me, and how much more have I hurt him by just being surface?? Ok ok ok...I know you're rubbing your head...or shaking your head...or deleting me as a friend, but really--stop and think--matter of fact, let's bring it to our level for a minute--Ladies, how would it feel to be dating a guy who insists on making you banana pancakes for dinner at least once a month, but you hate bananas...and you tell him at least once a month--it's been 8 months...And fellas, what about the girlfriend that can't put down her own wants and feelings enough to be considerate and split the cost of gas with you on a trip 2 or 3 states long...and you drive a suburban...and she ridin' with you b/c she hates to drive--after 2 yrs of dating and an engagement ring on the way?? For you married people--wives, what about the Husband who won't compromise about a football game..that he's not even playing in..and you have TiVo?? And husbands what about a wife who consistentlyputs you down in public when hard times come (as they are bound to do) but plays it off as "just jokes"...for the friends--what about that BESSSSTT friend who forgets your 20, 21, 22, & 25 birthday...all because they are too busy to remember, but they know you know they mean well so they take advantage...or what about that big brother or sister who won't have your back on the playground, in the hood, or even on the street in your very classy very suburban gated planned community??
this would be a good time to kindly ask all of the semantical arguers in the house to excuse yourself...you want semantics? I suggest Plato.
And so, the cycle perpetuates itself. We are content to parley companionship for a 1Corinthians 13 kind of love. We are happy to make our lives contingent upon what others will think...if we say ________ .. instead of what others may begin to say...when we actually begin to think...and we carry this over into our spiritual lives. We base our relationship with God off of the shallow remnants of pieces of situations we find on this Earth, and hastily construct them into shody images of what we think his Love and our love should be like. Just like we don't like to fall into any of the above situations, we shouldn't make God feel like the red-headed step child in our personal relationships with him. Not to patronize God to the level of being menial, emotional, unstable, human, mortal creatures, but to inspire into your thoughts something you can understand--No one wants to be hurt, everyone knows how to love--and this was my revelation...I'd lost touch with my Love. My first Love. My TRUE love.
meanwhile...
I am so glad God is not like man. He doesn't hold me to my flaws, or leave me when I'm wrong, or judge me when I stray and return. He is a loving and awesome God...and here I am being ungrateful--shedding tears, on borrowed time, over some "Love" that can't appreciate it...(right now...for any number of reasons) He loves me unconditionally...and here I am, forgetting his birthday, being stingy, being needy, being too busy...you know...all those deplorable actions that you never want to see in yourself...all the actions I never knew existed in myself...Me...the Me I despise...the Me I talk about with my best friend...there I am...
right right...true true...
I believe that, eventually, everyone has to acknowledge their own personal pink suede elephants in the room. Loving others while here on Earth is no crime & can make this journey enjoyable & desirable even. However, losing sight of oneself can be detrimental & can lead to forgoing the notion that, really, we ARE living on borrowed time. As grim as it may seem, there are only two things in life we can EVER be certain of-we were born and we will die. There you have it. TWO. Everything else is just filler...so hey, why not live life like we're grateful? Why not submit? Why not put the things of this world down? Why not be the sore thumb? Why not preach the word? Why not pray & study the word? Why not change the way we talk? Why not be that light? Why not learn to compromise...as we ask others to compromise for us? And not necessarily all in one day, but why not try?? Not talk about it...but be about it...be that example [[and if example for no one but ourselves, than so be it]]
Pink suede elephants come in many different colors...don't be bound. They are also available in courderoy & denim...pick your pleasure ;o)
So, If everything on Earth is reminiscent of things in Heaven then my lesson learned is that I no longer want to be reminiscent of another sad love song, but I want to be pleasing in God's sight. I want our relationship to blossom and grow. I want to compromise my wants for God's needs--his need for me to be saved and his will for me to live in peace and happiness and to inherit life & life more abundantly. I no longer want it to be: "What if God were like Me-unconditionally loving this other guy...and I'm like that other other guy-really could care less"...
((sigh)) That's how revelations go sometimes...they are usually only relevant for the situation that you're in...sometimes it can be situations you can relate to, but most times, it's the ones that you are in. The ones that hurt. The one's aiding to your sleep loss at night..those situations that possess no alpha and no clear concise sign of an omega...the situations you really could go without thinking about, turn into the situation that has you up at night really thinking about ... ( insert here ) ...
Crazy right? Almost as absurd as dressing an elephant in pink suede *chuckles* ((sigh)) Talk about turning lemons into lemonade...♥
~j
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